haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
