the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
