I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
