I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
