When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
