Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
