i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
