there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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