Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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