i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we're making bets on your personal life
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
