What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The power of my boobs compel you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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