you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
