I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
