just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
