I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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