Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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