He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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