OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
