You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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