No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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