don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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