it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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