Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
