Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
