these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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