Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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