I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
