my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
