It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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