I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
