Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
