Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
