sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
