if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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