The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
