I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
