is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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