My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
