Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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