She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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