and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
