Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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