when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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