To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
