I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
