this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
