i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
