I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
