med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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