Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize