I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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