You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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