Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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