Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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