my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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