Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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