I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
