im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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