he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
