I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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