I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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