Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
