Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
