i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
