I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
