At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
