This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
